$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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