Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
