Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
