Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
