im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
