I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
