i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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