woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
