I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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