32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
