i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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