I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
