how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
