My sheets look like a crime scene.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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