Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
