I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
