We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
