In the future we'll all be gay
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
