thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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