Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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