he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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