Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
