so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
