You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
