Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
