Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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