I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
