help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
