I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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