I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
