I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
