I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
