dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
