dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
