hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
