his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
