tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
