Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
is wine microwaveable?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
