i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
