I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm bleeding and have questions
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
