He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
