My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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