Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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