I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
