i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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