Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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