I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
