i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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