i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
