there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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