I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
